just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
