That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
