The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
