Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
