ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
her vagine was all disorganized.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
