then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
