And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
