i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
