Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize