Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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