If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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