i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize