just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize