Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
