You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
