he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize