I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
