gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
