Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
