Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
