I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
