the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
