my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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