So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize