i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
FUCK WHALES
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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