Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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