Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
