i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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