I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
