Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
