so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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