OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize