Plan B is the new Plan A
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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