i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
