Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
