those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
