The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
