Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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