i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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