If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
