i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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