I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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