I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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