well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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