I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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