I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
