Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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