It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
