she looked like the bat from fern gully.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
