remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
