I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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