I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ttyl tear gas
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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