I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Randomize
