Welp...herpes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
