I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
