I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
