She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she pinky promised me she was 18
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
