have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
