You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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