I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
