omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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