4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
