everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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