were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
