I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
