these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
