Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
