I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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