i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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